Thank You!

Truth ... in January, Bob started asking me what I wanted to do for my upcoming birthday. I told him no parties, no big deal, no extra fuss. Because there were absolutely some moments back then and over the last two months that I felt a little, well, not exactly depressed, but rather overwhelmed that I was turning FIFTY.

I mean, I remember being in elementary school and thinking my high school babysitter was old. I remember my dad's 40th birthday party. I remember graduating college and wondering what came next. I remember (so, so clearly, like yesterday) being in Kazakhstan - 10 years ago! How did all those years go by so quickly? How the heck did I get here?

It is, quite frankly, somewhat shocking to have the milestone in sight that practically screams "hey, you are more than half-way done here!" It's one of those take stock moments. Your memories become a bit tinged with melancholy. You find yourself wondering if you've done enough with your time and what you want to do with whatever time you have left. A little maudlin, and a little scary, and yes, OK, a little depressing.

But, and this is even more truth ... tonight, I feel lucky. And very, very happy.

If you are reading this, you probably played a part in that. You may be one of my new friends who took me to dinner last week. Or my Mom and Dad who stopped by on the way to Florida and hung out with us for a few days. Or Marc and Le Anne, who once again joined in a slightly off-beat but fun adventure. Perhaps my little sister Kris or beautiful daughter Cearra who sent gifts with meaning and heart. Maybe you emailed, or called, or took a few moments to wish me a happy birthday on Facebook. You might even be one of the lovely and generous folks who insisted I don't look 50 (thank goodness for good genes and hair dye)!

And Bob, I know you are reading, and I thank you so much for celebrating with me, for making me feel special, for surprising me with ice cream cake, for gifting me generously with presents (and helping Owen pick out the perfect bracelet!) and most of all for reminding me that there is so much more to look forward to.

So, the biggest truth ... while I never lose sight of the fact that I am truly blessed to have made it this far and I know that I am fortunate in all aspects of my life, today each of you lifted me up when I needed a boost. You made me smile a little brighter, laugh a little louder and feel ready to rock every day of my 50th year! Thank you all.

Day 37

Since January 1st, I've been following PopSugar's "365-Day Happiness Challenge". Some days have been easy-peasy fun to complete - rearrange your furniture, treat yourself to something sweet, dance around your living room - while some have taken a little creative leeway to finish (I'm looking at you "go to your local farmers market". On a Tuesday. In the middle of January).

Today's challenge is to start a blog. Since I've been very lax about updating, I think a long overdue post fits the bill. And this my friends, is a photo round up the many reasons we are loving Charlotte and some of the things we've been up to over the past few months ...

Checking out gingerbread houses
at the Ballantyne Hotel

Snakes at Discovery Zone Science Center

Genghis Khan Exhibit with fellow
Kazakhs Rhys and Elloree

Uptown Charlotte - love this city

Playing with puppies at Project2Heal

Charlotte Hornet's game

Fencing. Up next - flag football league

Enjoying great weather at Discovery Nature Place

Catching Ringling Brother's last hurrah

Sweets at Amelie's

From This Day Forward

Oh, this day.

This glorious, blustery, feeling-rattling, perfect day.

Weddings, by definition and act, are triumphs of faith and hope, of love and family. And this one, this day, shone bright with all of that, and so much more.

Not so very long ago, our amazing daughter was forced to walk through a very dark and trying time. She lost someone she loved and it was heartbreaking for her and all of us who cherish her. But Cearra was brave and strong. She didn't grow bitter; she didn't shutter her heart, nor limit her dreams. She chose to believe. And when the time was right, the man who now makes her smile sparkle, who honors her and loves her without limits, walked into her life.  

Yes, weddings are expressions of faith and hope; of love and family. And on this day, Cearra and Tim shared all of that with all of us, in many ways.

It began at the rehearsal dinner, a rollicking event generously hosted by Tim’s dad and his new bride Vicki. Cearra and Tim showed their thoughtfulness in a playful way, serving four delicious cakes – one each to acknowledge and celebrate my dad’s birthday, Tim’s aunt’s birthday, Tim’s brother and wife’s anniversary (all that very day), and mine and Bob’s anniversary (the day before).   

The wedding party was joyfully chosen by the bride and groom and made up of brothers and sisters, plus nieces and nephews who added more than a touch of whimsy and wiggles. Add old pals and new friends also proud to stand and smile through the windy gusts and chilly weather as they will stand by Tim and Cearra in their married life.

Tim and his family recently suffered the all too soon passing of a beloved uncle. In his honor, Tim and Cearra invited his son to be an usher and his daughter to read "Desiderata" during the ceremony. Upholding a Nocera family tradition, they had an "apron" dance during the reception, and the new Mr. and Mrs. will be donating all the collected money to the Maryland Greenbaum Cancer Center in Jay’s honor.

Most of all, the moment we are all still talking about … as Bob walked Cearra down the aisle, they stopped beside her uncle Todd’s chair and Cearra reached out her hand. She took his arm and said “I love you”.

In Todd’s own words:

My heart is overflowing, my cup runneth over! Today I experienced the depth of sacrifice and the fullness of love. Knowing that because of Hannah's disabilities I would never get to walk her down the aisle, Cearra and Bob surprised me and allowed me to take Cearra's arm and accompany them the rest of the way to the altar. I'm overwhelmed that Cearra would love me enough to think to do that, and that Bob would allow me to have a part in a moment that was deservedly his and his alone. I feel like I could live a thousand years and never in that amount of time be blessed the way I was today.

If you can still see through the tears in your eyes, please enjoy the pictures I’ve gathered from both the professional photographer and those posted by friends and family.

Everything about the ceremony and reception was spectacular. The location, Wyndridge Farms, was stunning. The flowers and décor, all the little special touches created by Cearra and by Le Anne, the music and dancing and food and drinks – all were fantastic. The bridesmaids were beautiful and the groomsmen good-looking, and as I think you’ll agree, the bride was breathtakingly gorgeous, the groom so handsome.

But on this day, the most memorable, wonderful things of all were these: faith and hope; love and family.

  

      

In Praise of Spit

We talk a lot, in the international adoption world, of both the joys we've found in being parents and the unique situations we may face. Two such issues on our journey center around helping our children understand themselves, their identity, what makes them, well, "them".

The first is a practical, yet important matter. And I admit it's one that punches me in the gut a little every time I encounter it - medical forms. Each time Owen sees a new doctor or has any procedures done, now and most likely for the rest of his life, a lot of spaces on it will be left blank. We just don't know if there's a family history of high blood pressure, or cancer, or heart disease. If there's a predisposition to diabetes or alcoholism. No, it's not the worst thing in the world, but it would be nice - for him, for us, for his doctors - to know.

The other challenge is perhaps even more central to our children's well-being and sense of self. Most of us grow up hearing about, and taking pride in, the rich cultural history of our family. I've always known both my mom and dad's families hail primarily from Germany. I grew up with a framed genealogy (written in German) on the dining room wall; I know about German food, German Christmas customs, and German fairy tales. Bob believes his ancestors trace back to England and Wales. Obviously, as an adoptive family, these genetic backgrounds don't work for us as we talk to Owen about his roots.

Owen's birth mother, in the hospital forms she filled out, identified herself and his biological father as Kazakh. Our in-country facilitators separately volunteered that Owen was "100% Kazakh". And so that's what we've taught him, sharing the Kazakh culture with him, visiting the Kazakh embassy, and being always on the look out for anything related to Kazakhstan. I've always been able to see Asian features dancing across his face - those gorgeous almond eyes, the low profile of his nose. And yet, we've wondered, as we try to answer his questions and talk about his ethnicity, if there was more in the mix that created our beautiful boy; after all, Kazakhstan is smack dab in the middle of the famed Silk Road and was for many years part of the USSR.

So here's where a little spit - and science - step in. We finally went ahead and bought a 23andMe kit at Target in mid-July, had Owen spit into the little test tube container, and shipped it off. He was excited, we were excited, and last week we got the results.

It turns out that Owen's ancestry composition is 64% East Asian and Native American. And the majority of that, coming in at 35%, is ...

Mongolian.

Well, that's interesting. And yes, a little surprising to us but not totally out of left field as both Mongolian and Kazakh people have a long history of being nomadic people, working and living in the vast Steppes of central and east Asia. Their traditions, music, cuisine and native clothing share many similarities. We will be sure to add this fascinating country and it's history and people to Owen's life story.

The remainder of his Asian ancestry is Yakut, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, "broadly" East Asian and South Asian, and a tiny bit of Native American.

Honestly, we were expecting to also discover a good amount of Eastern European lineage, specifically Russian. But the results, at 20%, came back fairly evenly spread among Eastern European (defined as Russian, Polish, Ukraine and Hungary), Southern European and Northwestern European. So he's a little Balkan, British, Finnish, but not French, Italian, nor (sigh) ... German.

We are thrilled to have this information for Owen. We all enjoyed reading his reports and talking about the results. Owen particularly like learning that most likely his birth mother's ancestors started some 29,000 years ago in Siberia.

As for medical information, while we still don't know those medical form answers, we discovered that Owen is not a carrier for 39 genetic conditions that, if present, could negatively impact him or his future children. On a lighter note, Owen's DNA shows he's more likely to prefer salty or savory snacks (true), have dry ear wax and less body odor (yuck and good!), and is not likely to lose his hair before age 40 or have male pattern baldness.

23andMe says clearly that they cannot tell the precise origins of all your ancestors, and that the results are based on estimates which could change a bit over time as more DNA is collected from populations world wide. And granted, the results aren't as detailed as we may wish for, but it's so much more than we had and we are thankful for that. Hallelujah for spit!

Cruising with Cearra

What makes an event memorable?

For me, it's all in the details. It's not necessarily related to the amount of money spent or the "awe" factor of the location. No, I think it's the touches - large or small - that show the host knows and cares deeply about making the honoree feel special.

And perhaps there's no one better than Nanny and Maria (my mother/sister-in-law) at planning and creating those personalized details. The bridal shower they hosted for Cearra last weekend was a beautiful example of their creativity and talents, but even more so of their deep love and excitement for Cearra.

The theme was "Cruising" (C and Tim are taking a cruise for their honeymoon) and everything from the handmade invitations to the decor to the specialty cocktail reflected that. Maria made the delicious food, working from recipes she had secretly gathered from Cearra's Pinterest board. The table was set beautifully with soft blue organza, white flowers, and sparkling glassware passed down from Cearra's grandmother. We all received little messages in the bottle, with one telling the lucky recipient they'd be taking home a gorgeous anchor themed wreath; while three other guests won a set of hand painted beach scene cards from Nanny, Maria and Aunt Pam. Nanny's gift to Cearra was presented in a vintage looking suitcase, mimicking one of the stunning cakes. And everywhere Nanny (with Owen's help) had created montages and displays of photos of Cearra growing up, and through her relationship with Tim.

It was truly a special afternoon and one I know Cearra will long cherish and remember.