Thank You!

Truth ... in January, Bob started asking me what I wanted to do for my upcoming birthday. I told him no parties, no big deal, no extra fuss. Because there were absolutely some moments back then and over the last two months that I felt a little, well, not exactly depressed, but rather overwhelmed that I was turning FIFTY.

I mean, I remember being in elementary school and thinking my high school babysitter was old. I remember my dad's 40th birthday party. I remember graduating college and wondering what came next. I remember (so, so clearly, like yesterday) being in Kazakhstan - 10 years ago! How did all those years go by so quickly? How the heck did I get here?

It is, quite frankly, somewhat shocking to have the milestone in sight that practically screams "hey, you are more than half-way done here!" It's one of those take stock moments. Your memories become a bit tinged with melancholy. You find yourself wondering if you've done enough with your time and what you want to do with whatever time you have left. A little maudlin, and a little scary, and yes, OK, a little depressing.

But, and this is even more truth ... tonight, I feel lucky. And very, very happy.

If you are reading this, you probably played a part in that. You may be one of my new friends who took me to dinner last week. Or my Mom and Dad who stopped by on the way to Florida and hung out with us for a few days. Or Marc and Le Anne, who once again joined in a slightly off-beat but fun adventure. Perhaps my little sister Kris or beautiful daughter Cearra who sent gifts with meaning and heart. Maybe you emailed, or called, or took a few moments to wish me a happy birthday on Facebook. You might even be one of the lovely and generous folks who insisted I don't look 50 (thank goodness for good genes and hair dye)!

And Bob, I know you are reading, and I thank you so much for celebrating with me, for making me feel special, for surprising me with ice cream cake, for gifting me generously with presents (and helping Owen pick out the perfect bracelet!) and most of all for reminding me that there is so much more to look forward to.

So, the biggest truth ... while I never lose sight of the fact that I am truly blessed to have made it this far and I know that I am fortunate in all aspects of my life, today each of you lifted me up when I needed a boost. You made me smile a little brighter, laugh a little louder and feel ready to rock every day of my 50th year! Thank you all.

From This Day Forward

Oh, this day.

This glorious, blustery, feeling-rattling, perfect day.

Weddings, by definition and act, are triumphs of faith and hope, of love and family. And this one, this day, shone bright with all of that, and so much more.

Not so very long ago, our amazing daughter was forced to walk through a very dark and trying time. She lost someone she loved and it was heartbreaking for her and all of us who cherish her. But Cearra was brave and strong. She didn't grow bitter; she didn't shutter her heart, nor limit her dreams. She chose to believe. And when the time was right, the man who now makes her smile sparkle, who honors her and loves her without limits, walked into her life.  

Yes, weddings are expressions of faith and hope; of love and family. And on this day, Cearra and Tim shared all of that with all of us, in many ways.

It began at the rehearsal dinner, a rollicking event generously hosted by Tim’s dad and his new bride Vicki. Cearra and Tim showed their thoughtfulness in a playful way, serving four delicious cakes – one each to acknowledge and celebrate my dad’s birthday, Tim’s aunt’s birthday, Tim’s brother and wife’s anniversary (all that very day), and mine and Bob’s anniversary (the day before).   

The wedding party was joyfully chosen by the bride and groom and made up of brothers and sisters, plus nieces and nephews who added more than a touch of whimsy and wiggles. Add old pals and new friends also proud to stand and smile through the windy gusts and chilly weather as they will stand by Tim and Cearra in their married life.

Tim and his family recently suffered the all too soon passing of a beloved uncle. In his honor, Tim and Cearra invited his son to be an usher and his daughter to read "Desiderata" during the ceremony. Upholding a Nocera family tradition, they had an "apron" dance during the reception, and the new Mr. and Mrs. will be donating all the collected money to the Maryland Greenbaum Cancer Center in Jay’s honor.

Most of all, the moment we are all still talking about … as Bob walked Cearra down the aisle, they stopped beside her uncle Todd’s chair and Cearra reached out her hand. She took his arm and said “I love you”.

In Todd’s own words:

My heart is overflowing, my cup runneth over! Today I experienced the depth of sacrifice and the fullness of love. Knowing that because of Hannah's disabilities I would never get to walk her down the aisle, Cearra and Bob surprised me and allowed me to take Cearra's arm and accompany them the rest of the way to the altar. I'm overwhelmed that Cearra would love me enough to think to do that, and that Bob would allow me to have a part in a moment that was deservedly his and his alone. I feel like I could live a thousand years and never in that amount of time be blessed the way I was today.

If you can still see through the tears in your eyes, please enjoy the pictures I’ve gathered from both the professional photographer and those posted by friends and family.

Everything about the ceremony and reception was spectacular. The location, Wyndridge Farms, was stunning. The flowers and décor, all the little special touches created by Cearra and by Le Anne, the music and dancing and food and drinks – all were fantastic. The bridesmaids were beautiful and the groomsmen good-looking, and as I think you’ll agree, the bride was breathtakingly gorgeous, the groom so handsome.

But on this day, the most memorable, wonderful things of all were these: faith and hope; love and family.

  

      

The Stage's The Thing!

I think one of the most important lessons in parenting is fully embracing (and I mean acknowledging, accepting and celebrating) that your child is not you. His or her tastes, personality, and interests will be uniquely their own. Sure, nurture plays a part and maybe your offspring will be your mini me in many ways big and small. But in the end, nature always wins, and that's a wonderful and glorious thing. Sounds pretty simple and easy doesn't it? But as evidenced by pushy stage moms and hard-driving dad coaches (or, in the bigger picture, by parents not accepting of their kids' life choices), if we're being honest, it can be a challenge.

Owen played baseball for 5 years. I loved it. Although never much of an athlete myself, I am super competitive and love watching sports, so I was more than happy sitting in the bleachers cheering, and then being the Diamondback team mom. Bob was an excellent athlete growing up and I know he really enjoyed the experience too. And while he liked playing, this year when I asked Owen about signing up, he said "no thanks". I guess I could have registered him anyway and he would have been okay with it, but the truth is that Owen is not a natural athlete. He doesn't have the inclination nor desire to practice throwing, catching or batting for hours each week, and I think he recognizes it's not one of his strengths. To me, making him play wouldn't be respecting and honoring Owen. 

But, while I do listen to what Owen wants, I also think it's important that kids are involved in some activities besides school (and video games). Enter stage right ... acting. Why? Well, Owen has always seemed to enjoy making up scenarios where he's taking on another role. When we watched "Storage Wars" a few years ago, he liked to stand in front of us and be the auctioneer. Anyone who's been around him in the last year or so knows his penchant for pretending to be a WWE wrestler - complete with choreographed moves and voice overs. Once he started to write a play, and the boy does love to dress in costume. So, while not exactly overwhelming evidence of a budding Oscar winner, I decided maybe theater might be his "thing", or at least something he didn't hate doing.

So I signed him up for the local Arts Center's children's production of "Sleeping Beauty" and took a somewhat hesitant Owen to his first practice in the beginning of March. He didn't audition for a speaking role, so I was quite surprised when after practice one night I learned the director had asked him if he wanted to play Young Prince Phillip and have three lines (well, two lines and an "accckkkk") and Owen had accepted. He was pretty nonchalant about his new role, but liked knowing he'd be wearing a cape and crown.

Fast forward to last Friday night. I think Bob and I were far more nervous than Owen for his stage debut. Would he freeze up when he looked out and saw a packed house? Would he remember his lines and would anyone actually be able to hear him? On the car ride to the theater Owen wondered aloud if he should say his lines in a different voice each show; I crossed my fingers and told him to use his best judgment as an actor (and thought to myself, yep, this could be very, um, entertaining).

My friend Missy and I had volunteered to be backstage moms, which meant we got to goof around with the props before the show and then stand in the wings to watch the production. And when the cast finally made it's first appearance on stage, I had a great view of Owen.

I watched with a bursting-with-joy heart as our Young Prince Phillip joined the Royal Family on it's dais, singing the opening number with a huge smile on his face. Owen looked absolutely thrilled! He nailed his lines then ran off stage for a costume change and to wait to rejoin the cast for the final number and take a bow.  

 

In typical Owen fashion, he wasn't bouncing off the walls like many of the actors post performance; in fact, I was probably more hyped up than him. But he seemed pretty pleased with the fact that two girls from school had come up to him in the lobby afterward and told him he did a good job, and he was happy - just calmly, "this feels right, this feels good" - happy. 

I don't know how much further the acting bug will take him. He did tell me that for his next play he thinks he wants more lines, and when asked he rated the whole thing a 9 out of 10 on a scale of how much he enjoyed it. I've found a theater group in Charlotte and he's said he'd like to go to one of their summer camps. I'll obviously have to learn more about this whole theater thing; it's a whole new language for me and it's certainly different than youth sports. Luckily I have my cousin Brenda and dear friend Amanda (who both have incredibly talented actors in their family) to help me get the lay of the land.

Yes, I still miss baseball. But, seeing Owen shine this weekend in something I think he truly enjoys is a million times better - for all of us. Challenge accepted, lesson learned, and Bravo!

We Are Not Trees

I've long admired those folks who decide they want to live in a certain city (or country), then make it happen. Now I'm excited (and nervous and a bit overwhelmed) to write that Bob and I are joining their ranks. This summer, we will be packing up and moving south to Charlotte, North Carolina!

Why? Well, I've spent quite a bit of time in the Queen City over the past few years, and I love it. Charlotte is a "my size" city, and clean, easy to get around, and packed full of fun things to do. It has Southern charm, tempered just enough by an influx of non-natives, that appeals to this life long Northerner (in other words, people are super friendly but no one will look askance at me for not saying "y'all" every two minutes). The climate is good (no more snow!) as is the cost of living, and there are beaches a few hours away in one direction, and mountains in the other. We are targeting an area south of Uptown that is known for excellent schools, friendly neighborhoods and low crime. I'm really excited to be able to raise Owen in an area that offers lots of opportunities and a quality of life that I love and want for him.

A huge part of the draw is that some of our best friends, the Kieffers, call Charlotte home. If you've read here for a while, you may remember some of our adventures with Marc, Le Anne and their kids, Rhys and Elloree. We always have a great time together, and they will be the perfect ambassadors to welcome us to our new home in more ways than one: Marc is our real estate agent and I'll be working with Le Anne at her interior design firm, Halcyon Hive.

After absolutely loving being a stay at home mom these past 9 years, I'm thrilled that Le Anne wants me to join her as she makes the homes of Charlotte more beautiful! She is incredibly talented and is crazy busy with new clients clamoring for her amazing eye and design sense, and after talking about it for some time we've agreed I can contribute my skills to help further build the business. I feel so lucky to have this opportunity at a job I will love, with a friend I adore, and still have the ability to "mom" in the way that I feel is best for our Owen.

Of course none of this would be possible without Bob's support and buy-in and we are so fortunate that years of hard work and sacrifice have lead us to a point where, with his business partner's blessings, he can work from home. I'm sure it will be an interesting transition for both of us, but also one that will be positive. And yes, I am expecting him to do some laundry between conference calls!

So, while this is all exciting (and exhausting - getting the house ready to list has meant a lot of painting, basement cleaning and many, many donation drop-off trips to Goodwill), it's not been without tears and worries. Change is almost always hard, and it's going to be tough to say goodbye to the friends and neighbors we have here.

Our biggest concern was how Cearra would feel. She's in such a good place now, her and Tim are settled happily into their new home and busy with wedding planning, but of course it's still hard on all us to move away. She understands and gave us her support, and in a few years I wouldn't be surprised if her and Tim join us in a southern migration!

It was tough for me to tell my parents too. As the oldest child, and with my sister in Wisconsin, I've always felt a strong obligation to stay close. And honestly, it is hard and painful to know I won't see them as often, and especially that they won't see Owen as much. I'm very grateful that they are in good health, that they live in a fabulous neighborhood with many close friends and activities that keep them busy and happy, and that they understand and want me to be happy. Bob's mom is one of the most positive people I know, and while I know she will miss us too, she responded with enthusiasm and excitement about our new adventure. And I'm thankful that my brother and sister-in-law live in the same town; it's comforting to know they are always there. We are looking forward to welcoming them all to Charlotte for many long visits. 

The most gut-wrenching person to tell? Hands down, that was Owen. It's understandable; this is the only house he's ever lived in, he will miss his friends, and I don't think he quite gets the whole move thing; he keeps pointing out different things around the house (the TV, toys, ) and asking if we are taking them with us. There have been moments of tears that have made my heart hurt and think twice, but I know without a doubt he will be OK and that this move is best for us as a family. I'm hanging on to that and it helps that recently Owen has been more positive, especially when I show him home listings with pools and tell him he can pick his room at the new place.

So, that's our big news y'all! Our house hit the market Saturday (local friends, if you know anyone looking for a beautiful 4 bed, 2.5 bath home with all new carpet, granite and SS appliances in a wonderful Carroll County neighborhood, let me know!) and we are hoping to be in Charlotte with time for Owen to meet some neighborhood kids and new friends before school starts.     

She Said Yes!

The heart is a wondrous muscle. Not only in it's ability to physically pump life through our body, but also in it's ability to heal when bruised, to carry on when hurting, to accept and try again after being broken. To be brave and open.

And because of this, we found ourselves gathering with friends and family, on the hottest day of the summer, atop Federal Hill Park last Saturday night. Gathered by a special young man, to help him show his heart completely to our Cearra.

He'd asked Bob and I for her hand in marriage several weeks prior, then created a Facebook event to share the word and invite others. Enlisting his best friend (and soon to be best man), to serve as his point person, Tim would bring Cearra to the park, sight of their first date, with the ruse of taking a stroll before meeting friends for dinner.

At the appointed time, we all spotted them coming up the hill; Tim purposely placing an arm around Cearra's shoulders to turn her focus towards Baltimore's Inner Harbor as his supporters in this romantic caper made their way across the park without being spotted by Cearra.

They embraced, sharing private words, then Tim dropped to his knee, and with words we couldn't hear but could somehow still "feel", asked Cearra to be his wife. And on his cue, we - friends and family and assorted park patrons - sang "I can't help falling in love with you"!

It was then, among the cheers and clapping, that Cearra finally turned, and seeing us all there, put her hands to her face and wept with joy and happiness. And so did we.

She looked, and she saw the faces of those who has always believed in her and supported her through dark days - me, Bob, Owen, her sister Kristine, Nana and Pop-Pop, Nanny, Todd and Maria, Missy, Dyron. She looked and saw her new family - Tim's mom and dad, brother and sister-in-law (and the best behaved baby ever, Maddie), aunts and uncles, and close friends - who stood ready to welcome her with open arms.

She looked back at Tim, and saw her dreams come true. Her bright future. And they - and we - could not be happier.

All gorgeous photos courtesy of Kristine Neeley Photography

Marriage Lessons from a Golden Couple and a Soggy Vacation

This year's family vacation was also a chance to celebrate my parent's 50th wedding anniversary. They decided they wanted to be surrounded by family and as many people from their wedding party as possible. So forgoing a more "glamorous" trip to Turks and Caicos, or a kid-pleasing Disney cruise, we headed once again to the mountains of Deep Creek Lake in western Maryland.

Not everything went as hoped, yet there were lessons, and things to ponder, and good times. In fact, as I reflected on the week, I found myself comparing it to marriage. Here's what I mean ...

Upon entering our rental home, we were disappointed. The floors and furniture were slightly worn, the paint needed retouching in several places, the dock was precarious, and the promised "Awesome View" was, well, not quite as envisioned.

Anyone married for a few years will probably agree that the luster of new love, the glow of a wedding ceremony and exotic honeymoon, often fade a bit through the years. A partner's faults, like chipped counters and a cloudy pool, can become consuming if that's what you focus on. To keep love alive, learn to focus on the positive traits that attracted you to your spouse early on; they are still there, like a home that provides shelter from a storm and warmth on a chilly night.

Mom and Dad splurged for a home on the lake and a boat for the week. It rained. Every. Single. Day.

Marriage isn't all sunshine and clear sailing. Some days aren't perfect; some days are downright tough. All marriages are tested by hard times and sometimes plans don't pan out. You have to keep going anyway, and take every opportunity to play in the sun when it's out. Even if it means jumping in a freezing cold lake when you get the chance.

My sister and I hired a professional photographer to take a family portrait as a gift for my parents. We planned it for a morning at the house, so that the kids would be fresh and in cooperative moods, and so that our aunts and uncles could be included. Did I mention yet the online photos of the rental house made it look like there was a spacious yard perfect for the shot? It wasn't. Remember all that rain? Yep, canceled the planned day and time. Thanks to a cooperative photographer, a brief break in the weather, and a trip to another lakeside location, we did get the pictures taken. How well they actually turned out remains to be seen - the kids weren't happy, the wind was crazy, and Aunt Cathy couldn't get down the hill as her foot is in a walking boot, but, we did it.

Another lesson in making the best of things, not giving up, and letting go of the idea of "perfect" ('cause no marriage is). Keep trying, and keep smiling. You won't get to 50 any other way.

No matter how much you love them, spending 24/7 with family has it's own challenges. People have different tastes in food, different ideas as to how to spend free time, different ways of looking at the world. My dad in particular has expectations as to what a family vacation looks like that sometimes cause friction among his adult children and sons-in-law. This year has its' share of tension. But my parents are generous, loving people who want to spend time with us. And it's important to them - and to me - that we continue to gather as a family.

Two "c" words that matter far more than cut and carat weight in a marriage: communication and compromise. Your spouse is an individual. He or she will not approach every situation as you do; will not like everything you do; will not share all of your views or agree with all of your ideas. Learn how to take a deep breath, calm down, and, to be blunt, suck it up. Occasionally put your wants aside for the greater good. Then be sure to always surround your marriage with friends and family who love you unconditionally and support you through good and bad days. Remember that the temporary spats are just that, and celebrate your common bonds.

Laugh whenever you can, act silly, go out of your comfort zone. Forgive your spouse easily, be generous, respect each other. Give your kids permission to be a little crazy; go ahead and join them.

And remember that even dark times end, and love and life sparkle again.