Owen's Birthday Weekend

After much preparation and anticipation, Owen's birthday weekend was here at last!

We started the day with a birthday brunch for Cearra. Nana and Pop-pop, Nanny, my sweet sister-in-law Maria, and our niece Hannah joined us to continue toasting Cearra's birthday.

Nanny, Hannah, Maria

Blazer completes (?) the table scape

After eating and gifting the birthday duo, we headed to a local indoor pool for Owen's party with friends. This is the first year he specifically requested a bash other than the big family gathering we'd done in years past, and he was excited to greet his pals.

Owen's new Raven helmet

Yearly tradition - Nanny draws/paints a picture of Owen's
favorite toy/hobby/interest.  This year's had to be dino related!

Favors - a dinosaur egg with a hidden treat, and
dino soap to wash up with after playing paleontologist

Everybody in the pool!

Our sweet 7 year old!

Putting his new helmet to the test with Daddy after the party

Later that night, Cearra invited Bob, Owen and me to her apartment, where she had another present - King Krunch monster truck! - waiting for Owen as well as a special birthday cake, Key Lime Pie. Bob and I are so proud of Cearra for wanting to make this a special day for her little brother.

Our amazing, beautiful, loving July babies!

We had one last surprise for Owen too; "Raven" the dinosaur. She's a Pleo Life Form, "intended to blur the line between technology and life by integrating three disciplines - organic articulation, sensory response, and autonomous behavior".  In other words, she responds to Owen's touch and voice with movements and sounds, and she'll continue to learn behaviors as she gets "older". Pretty cool!

Happy birthday my little man! I love you more than chocolate!

To Celebrate Dennis

In our family, on his or her birthday, the celebrant chooses their favorite kind of cake (or pie) for their special day. Bob selects Boston creme pie, while Owen and Cearra have both requested Key Lime Pie in the past. I prefer the Carvel ice cream cakes of my youthful parties.

When asked last year, Dennis said banana creme pie. So I special ordered it from Baugher's and decked it out with candles for his birthday, July 14th.

He thoroughly enjoyed his birthday "cake", saying it was the best banana creme pie he'd ever had. I didn't find out until months later that he'd never actually had a banana creme pie before, but since he didn't know what to say yet knew he liked bananas (and I suspect because he wanted to humor me and go along with our family tradition), he chose it.

We miss you Big D.

In your honor and to mark your birthday this year, I am going to do my best to wrap up all my sadness, fears, and worries, and put them aside for the day. Instead I will just smile and remember all the many great times we've had with you, and the incredible person you are. In other words, I'm going to celebrate your life.

And next year, I'll have a fresh banana creme pie waiting for you.

Holding It Together (Kind Of)

Confession time: it's been a tough, busy, worrisome few days. I'm trying hard to hold it all together emotionally (I've already given up on the physical, and now my hair and house are in similar states of disarray), but truth is, I'm losing that battle.

This week Owen has been in camp at the local community college; a dinosaur themed session I thought he'd love. I figured the three kid free hours a day would give me time to prepare for his birthday party this weekend. Yep, waaay wrong on both counts.

Each morning he wakes with a stomachache, and spends the entire time we are getting ready and driving holding back tears, insisting he hates camp and doesn't want to go. Rather than just dropping him off as every other parent does, I have to walk with him and the rest of his camp mates to their classroom, then sit outside in the hallway, still in his sight line, until he is settled enough that I can give him the thumbs up and leave. Then I walk back to my car, battling back my own fears and worries for my anxious little man.

I spend the remaining 2 hours running from store to store for endless supplies before running home to make more "dinosaur eggs" or wrap soap bars for the home-made birthday party favors that seemed like a fantastic idea three weeks back but have now turned into the craft project from hell. I think I'm still missing an ingredient or two for the French Toast Casserole and Spinach Quiche I'm making for a family brunch on Saturday morning. And if the cute dino themed treat boxes I ordered don't arrive today, well, ...

But I know that stuff will work out; my emotions are more fragile this week for other reasons. Dennis and Owen share a birthday. Last year this was a happy, fun coincidence. This year, with Dennis still in a minimally-conscious state and my heart torn in two with worry about Cearra - how she is doing, how she will handle that day, the hurt being inflicted on her by Dennis' mother, Dennis' future - I'm a huge messy lump of tears.

Then there's the fact that I always find myself in a bittersweet mood around Owen's birthday. Part of it is the familiar-to-every-parent reminder that time is going so fast. But for me, this day is also the time I most sharply feel the pain of not being present for Owen's birth and for the first six months of his life. It hurts. And I think of his birth mom; I know she must be thinking of him, I know this day above all others must be so hard for her. That hurts too.

It's time to jump back in the car and go pick up Owen. I have to make sure I am not even one minute late. If you have time to spare, could you send some positive thoughts and prayers my way today? For me to remember to always count every blessing, to have patience, to realize not everything has to be perfect and that a bunch of 7 year olds will be thrilled with ice cream sundaes and misshapen dinosaur eggs. And could you please add Owen's birth mom; for peace and comfort. And as always, for Cearra; for everything.

Thanks friends.

Thank you!

This mama's heart is so full! Thank you all who made Cearra's birthday a good day. She so appreciated all the kind Facebook and IG posts, not to mention thoughtful gifts. As she said:

"As much as I wanted to hide from this day, it turned out to be a pretty good day. I miss Dennis Crowe more than anything, but he still would want me to have a special day. Everyone close to him and I truly made that all come true. I love each and everyone of you and in my 23rd year it can only go up from here. Positive, strength, faith, and loyalty."

Beautiful flowers from Nanny

Our "birthday danish" tradition

Orchid from Dave, Danny and Eric at work. So sweet.

Dennis' sister Kaitlin, his former stepfather Mike, Mike's wife Wendi, and their children Madi and Arianna sent Cearra a very special gift and a card expressing how grateful they were that Dennis had Cearra in his life. They have been such a source of support and love for Cearra, and we are so blessed to know them!

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For Cearra, Today

Dear Cearra,

Today is a special day; today is your birthday. Without today, none of us would know the joy you've brought into our lives.

I know that for you, this day is so heart-breaking-hard. Your dad and I wonder how to mark the occasion without causing you more pain. Is ice cream cake too sweet for these bitter days? Are 23 candles not bright enough to light the dark? We want to respect your boundaries and how you are feeling. And yet, to us and everyone who loves you, this day is still a celebration.

So we'll mark this day the best we can. We'll clean up your little brother and take you to lunch; the four of us, the Mechems. We will surround you with big hugs and big wishes.We'll present the gifts we've planned in the hope they bring you some happiness.  Still, we know that we can't (but oh, how we wish we could!) give you the gift you'd most love to receive. That breaks our hearts too.

While we say it everyday, the day of your birth is also a time for us to let everyone know how incredibly proud we are of you. Your strength (although I know sometimes you don't feel strong), your patience (ditto), your love and faith. We are proud of you for getting up each day and continuing on ... going to work, paying  bills, taking care of your apartment. The mundane tasks of life perhaps, but demonstrative of your core. We are even more proud of you for trying so hard to stay focused and positive, for guarding your loving heart, and rising above those who choose a different path.

I've traveled some rough journeys, but never the deep valleys you have faced these last four months. And as much as I love to write, I find that words fail me now, for it seems as though there is nothing I can say that will mend your soul. But someone wise once said this:

"Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end".

And I believe that. Someday, someway. Your dad and I will continue to walk beside you until you believe that too - until it is okay again.

We love you, always.

Nanny Cooks and Creates

How super lucky is our son? A Nanny that not only loves him to the moon and back, but who also surprises him with a velociraptor pancake complete with bacon claws.

Great way to start the day for our future paleontologist!

Sunset Beach

It's a week of watching our kids play together, bound by interests - dinosaurs, monster trucks, water guns - and a shared birthplace and story. Days of jumping waves, mini golf, small squabbles, breakfast for dinner. Time to sit on the porch at the end of the day with two remarkable women, and chat late into the night over cocktails and cheese crackers.

I cherish our time at Sunset Beach.

Dinosaurs in the Dollhouse

A photo exhibit created by Owen, Mommy, and Nanny

Triceratops in the toilet

Spinosaurus sleeping soundly

Stegasaurus stealing a snack

Brachiosaurus taking a break 

Amargasaurus admiring himself