I Might Be A Horrible Mother

A recent post in a Facebook Kazakhstan adoptive parents group went something like this:

"Any suggestions on getting a 4.5 year old who has sucked her thumb since the baby house to stop?"

"Mavala Stop. Worked in one day."
"I tried bribing and the yucky stuff"
"Put socks on his hands at bedtime. When that stopped working I sewed the ends of his PJ arms shut."
"My daughter has a metal "habit-breaking" appliance in her mouth"

And then there's my response:

 "My son still sucks him thumb when he is tired; he's 6. I guess I'll pay for it later, but as he's been doing it since we met him and I know it's a soothing ritual for him, I'm not worried about trying to make him stop. I figure he will when he's ready."

Yes, I know thumb sucking can be ruinous for teeth, bite and palette (there are plenty of reminders of that in the thread). We have spoken to Owen about it; I tell him what it might do to his mouth, that he might need lots of dental work in the future, that it might be a good idea to think about quitting. He understands and says he will "cut back" (and indeed he has in the last few months).

It's no big mystery as to why kids suck their thumbs (or a pacifier or their fingers). It's soothing, relaxing, comforting. It helps them sleep, it helps them feel safe. Nor is it a great surprise that when laying in a crib night after night, alone in the dark, without anyone or thing to soothe and cuddle, that Owen - like so many children in orphanages - developed the habit of sucking his thumb.

Of course he is reticent to give that up, and because I do understand a bit about early childhood development (and am forever slightly haunted by Harlow's baby monkeys) I am firmly against what I consider harsh methods of breaking that habit. I'm not going to coat his thumb in liquid whose first ingredient is a flammable chemical that causes throat, nose, mouth, eye and lung irritation and is used as an additive in cigarettes. I'm not going to trap his hands inside his clothing.

Perhaps I am overly sensitive to the circumstances of Owen's first six months. Perhaps I am too emotional, too soft. Or perhaps I am a horrible, lax mother who is dooming her child to years of orthodontia.

But this is what I know as a mama - I will not force my child to give up something which gives him comfort and is not a threat to his life or the safety of others. I will always do everything I can to make my sweet boy feel loved, safe, secure and happy all the days of his life; and for today, that will include the freedom to suck his thumb at will.