First/Last First (grade)

Last day of first grade, and Owen isn't the only one excited! I'll be honest, it's been a bumpy year. Figuratively ... and physically.

That's the bump Owen suffered from a tumble in gym class, which no one seemed to notice. Not the gym teacher, the music teacher who had him in class right after, or his homeroom teacher at the end of the day.

Of course I contacted the principal right away and to his credit, he responded with sincere apologies, not too many excuses (although he did suggest perhaps Owen's bangs covered it up in school) and spoke to each of Owen's teachers about the incident. Still, it took me a long time to get over it.

Yet Owen seemed unfazed - by the bump at least. His issues with school began with talk of a few of his classmates that were "mean" and got in trouble every day. We had many chats about bullies, appropriate behavior, and being a good friend and classmate.

He also struggled with lunch, and after going in to join him one day, I understood. The cafeteria of his elementary school is chaos. Loud. Hectic. Busy. As an introvert, Owen craves some time to be quiet and take things in. Between his class (more on that in a bit) and the environment at lunch, he just wasn't getting what he needed. We had a lot of talks about that too; I went in about once a week to provide him with comfort and I seriously considered having him moved to the "allergy" table, which always seemed a lot calmer.

We were still seeing his therapist at that time (we started shortly after Dennis' accident when Owen became anxious and was struggling with a lot of emotions) and she helped him come up with and practice strategies to make lunch a better experience. Slowly, things got better on that front.

And then one day Owen sat crying at breakfast, telling me he didn't want to go to school. It happened again the next day. And the next. But he couldn't, or wouldn't, put his reasons into words. At the same time I had befriended a classmate's mother, and she called one day to ask me if Owen was unhappy in class. Her daughter had recently come home crying about school too.

We reached out to his teacher (who up to this point had ignored all my offers to come in to volunteer in class and was adamant that I didn't need to come in for a parent conference because Owen was doing fine), and that's when she told us both in no uncertain terms that she didn't have the time to teach our "quiet, good" kids because some of the class was taking all her energy to discipline. She begged us to go to the principal, and by her voice I knew she was at the end of her rope.

Again, to his credit, the principal listened and made a few changes within the next few days that made a world of difference. Owen no longer cried before the school day, although he never exactly became enthusiastic to go unless there was a field trip or fun day planned.

Looking back I wish that I had become a lot more vocal, a lot earlier. I wish I had acted on my feelings that something wasn't quite right sooner, and advocated more for my child. I feel like I let Owen down. I wish I pushed for a conference, and although I did end up volunteering for another 1st grade teacher which showed me a lot, I wish I insisted on coming to at least sit in Owen's classroom one day.

And while in many ways I am disappointed in our experience this year, I can also say that we still learned and grew.

I'm grateful that riding the bus and being with the neighborhood kids everyday has opened up a whole new world of friendships to Owen, and I love seeing him happily play in the yard with his new buddies.

I'm really proud of Owen for the gains he's made socially and emotionally. He navigated his new school and some tough situations and learned what works best for him. I can see that he's become stronger. He developed a positive relationship with the class "bully" and built on a foundation of compassion for others (at Play Day, he was one of two kids to go over to an injured classmate and try to comfort her).

While he told me he was "bored" a lot this year, his report cards and test results show he did great work, especially in Math (brag moment: Owen scored 100% on both of the county wide math assessments). According to an assignment he brought home this week he also learned "meshuring", found that it was hard to get a soccer ball during recess, and was surprised that you weren't allowed to bring toys to first grade.

Through this challenging year I learned how to watch Owen climb up the stairs of bus 16 without crying, let my preppy fashion standards lapse (a little) and allowed Owen to wear athletic shorts and t-shirts to school every day, and realized it's not just OK but occasionally absolutely necessary to be the squeaky wheel. And I learned that if you buy your child ice cream when visiting for lunch you will also be buying all his buddies ice cream.

So we both head into summer a little braver, wiser, smarter. Time to enjoy our time together and make lots of great memories. Hope y'all have a fantastic summer too!