Marriage Lessons from a Golden Couple and a Soggy Vacation

This year's family vacation was also a chance to celebrate my parent's 50th wedding anniversary. They decided they wanted to be surrounded by family and as many people from their wedding party as possible. So forgoing a more "glamorous" trip to Turks and Caicos, or a kid-pleasing Disney cruise, we headed once again to the mountains of Deep Creek Lake in western Maryland.

Not everything went as hoped, yet there were lessons, and things to ponder, and good times. In fact, as I reflected on the week, I found myself comparing it to marriage. Here's what I mean ...

Upon entering our rental home, we were disappointed. The floors and furniture were slightly worn, the paint needed retouching in several places, the dock was precarious, and the promised "Awesome View" was, well, not quite as envisioned.

Anyone married for a few years will probably agree that the luster of new love, the glow of a wedding ceremony and exotic honeymoon, often fade a bit through the years. A partner's faults, like chipped counters and a cloudy pool, can become consuming if that's what you focus on. To keep love alive, learn to focus on the positive traits that attracted you to your spouse early on; they are still there, like a home that provides shelter from a storm and warmth on a chilly night.

Mom and Dad splurged for a home on the lake and a boat for the week. It rained. Every. Single. Day.

Marriage isn't all sunshine and clear sailing. Some days aren't perfect; some days are downright tough. All marriages are tested by hard times and sometimes plans don't pan out. You have to keep going anyway, and take every opportunity to play in the sun when it's out. Even if it means jumping in a freezing cold lake when you get the chance.

My sister and I hired a professional photographer to take a family portrait as a gift for my parents. We planned it for a morning at the house, so that the kids would be fresh and in cooperative moods, and so that our aunts and uncles could be included. Did I mention yet the online photos of the rental house made it look like there was a spacious yard perfect for the shot? It wasn't. Remember all that rain? Yep, canceled the planned day and time. Thanks to a cooperative photographer, a brief break in the weather, and a trip to another lakeside location, we did get the pictures taken. How well they actually turned out remains to be seen - the kids weren't happy, the wind was crazy, and Aunt Cathy couldn't get down the hill as her foot is in a walking boot, but, we did it.

Another lesson in making the best of things, not giving up, and letting go of the idea of "perfect" ('cause no marriage is). Keep trying, and keep smiling. You won't get to 50 any other way.

No matter how much you love them, spending 24/7 with family has it's own challenges. People have different tastes in food, different ideas as to how to spend free time, different ways of looking at the world. My dad in particular has expectations as to what a family vacation looks like that sometimes cause friction among his adult children and sons-in-law. This year has its' share of tension. But my parents are generous, loving people who want to spend time with us. And it's important to them - and to me - that we continue to gather as a family.

Two "c" words that matter far more than cut and carat weight in a marriage: communication and compromise. Your spouse is an individual. He or she will not approach every situation as you do; will not like everything you do; will not share all of your views or agree with all of your ideas. Learn how to take a deep breath, calm down, and, to be blunt, suck it up. Occasionally put your wants aside for the greater good. Then be sure to always surround your marriage with friends and family who love you unconditionally and support you through good and bad days. Remember that the temporary spats are just that, and celebrate your common bonds.

Laugh whenever you can, act silly, go out of your comfort zone. Forgive your spouse easily, be generous, respect each other. Give your kids permission to be a little crazy; go ahead and join them.

And remember that even dark times end, and love and life sparkle again.