The Struggle

It's late. I don't know if I will be able to sleep tonight. I'm anxious about sending Owen to school tomorrow. I know I must, I recognize that I cannot let fear and darkness rule, but oh, it's hard. And as I've done since Friday, I struggle to find words; I struggle to make sense of the horror that has once again bloomed in our country.

I would like a world without guns. I think I'd like it very much. I can imagine no drive-by shootings; no bystanders caught in the cross hairs, no accidental death by bullet. And, of course, no tragic, senseless massacres like the one that took so many innocent lives and forever scarred a town - and us all - last Friday. 

As a parent, I am devastated for those families who took their children to school on a cold, clear morning, only to return in sheer terror a short time later to learn they would never again hug tight their babes. I cannot begin to imagine how one goes on after such a loss. I don't think I could. 

And, perhaps unreasonably, I am also furious. Because when do we say enough? When do we DO SOMETHING?

Let's start by being honest. Despite the political rantings and facebook grandstanding, this is not truly a question of gun control. Like the vast majority of things our government has attempted to make illegal over the years - alcohol, abortion, drugs - the fact that a law exists in no way means that the action will not. Someone wants a gun, they will get a gun; regardless if it's a stolen piece bought in a back alley or a registered assault weapon taken from their mother's drawer. Nor, as some would like to suggest, does turning our citizens into walking agents of death with concealed weapons, or populating our school campuses (or churches, or movie theaters, or malls) with officers loaded down with ammo make for a better, safer world.

I think the real question is how we as a society have failed. Make no mistake - we have failed. We have failed every person who's life has been stolen, and we have failed their families even as we paste pretty pictures of candles burning on our status updates and observe a moment of silence before a football game.

Facts:

• The 140 casualties (injuries and deaths) from mass shootings in 2012 has been nearly twice that of any other year. 

• There have been 70 mass shootings in the United States between 1982 and 2012, leaving 544 people dead. 

• Seven of those 70 shootings occurred this year. 

• Sixty-eight of those 543 victims were killed this year. 

• Fully 45% of the victims of mass shootings in America over the past three decades were killed since 2007. 

That is a crisis. I have no answers. But I have thoughts.

When I was young, we were allowed to watch a few hours of TV a week. With only three channels our viewing choices were limited, and our parents further narrowed the options. We watched Omaha's "Wild Kingdom" and Disney's Family Night back when the offering was "Escape from Witch Mountain", not a drama with a pregnant teen. Our video games, when they finally arrived, were Atari Pong and Breakout - just blimps and balls carousing about the screen. No weapons, blood, or death. We weren't allowed to go to "R'" rated movies. Ever. My friends and schoolmates were raised, for the most part, with the same restrictions. 

Back in my formative years there weren't 24 hour news channels, or the Internet. I wouldn't have been allowed to watch anyway - it was for grown-ups. The worst image I remember seeing on TV was one of flag-draped coffins returning home from Vietnam. That single brief clip impacts me still.

As a society maybe it's time to seriously ask: does the violence, sex, evil, crime and revenge depicted on TV and in movies and in video games today contribute to the rise in mass shootings? How do children today  process the never-ending stream of death and destruction featured round the clock on cable channels and on the Internet? Can we really even begin to understand how seeing these images must impact their world view; their sense of security; their feelings of self? Are we forcing them to "turn off" their humanity in order to merely survive the onslaught?

Is the media guilty of making "celebrities" of those who wield guns, of creating copy cats and wanna-be's by constantly reporting the names and faces of those who commit the murders? I admit that I have purposely not watched the TV coverage of Sandy Hook. But still I've been bombarded by images - of terrified children fleeing the school, of wild-eyed parents searching the parking lot; of the killer himself.

Perhaps it's time to say enough. No one needs to see those images - I cannot fathom one single good thing that comes from it. In fact I believe it's a particularly cruel act to plaster these faces of pain and loss across our media outlets. And I think it's time we ask ourselves why we allow it to continue.

Many of my friends and family believe that the increase in mass shootings is linked directly to the fact that we have turned away from God. Taken Him out of our schools; passed laws interpreted to be against His teachings; disobeyed His commandments in our daily lives. We send Owen to a Christian school, and I appreciate the morals and values he is taught there alongside language arts and math. I am a Christian; I try to live by the mores of my faith (but freely admit I often come up short).

I believe the world would be better if we all focused on the very basic tenants of Christianity (and many of the world's religions): Don't lie, cheat or steal. Treat others as you wish to be treated. Be humble. Serve others. Value people over material possessions. Do not kill. Pretty simple when you put it that way, isn't it?

I know religion is a lightening rod topic. I know people have many different beliefs, and I don't believe in forcing my personal beliefs on anyone. But can't we all agree it's time to refocus on those basic truths and raise our children accordingly?

And yes, I think there are a plethora of other issues which taken together degrade the fabric of our country. I believe the disintegration of the nuclear family and the demographic change in distribution of extended families weakens us as a society. I think the culture of "more, more, more" pushed by advertisers leaves people ultimately empty. And position, title and salary as a measure of success bankrupts us.

So I think we need to examine many things, and I think perhaps the biggest is this: how we diagnose, treat, and care for those among us who suffer from mental illness.

I have little doubt that when the pieces are finally put together, the shooter in Connecticut, as with many other massacres, will be found to have been suffering, perhaps for many years, from some form of mental illness or disability. Perhaps his mother knew and had tried her best to get him help. Maybe help was denied, or maybe the "help" didn't, in fact, help. Perhaps she was blind to any signs because this was her son and she loved him unconditionally as mothers do, or perhaps she didn't recognize the signs because she didn't know them. Maybe, just maybe, he was beyond help.

It's a fact that our medical community  currently does not have answers to certain illnesses - no magic pill or treatment to pull a patient away from the brink. We no longer lock people away in asylums. We try to treat them - maybe - and we set them loose to fend for themselves. And if we don't fix that, if we do not make funding research and treatment of mental illnesses a focus in this country, I don't think we will ever see the end of mass shootings.

So as we all struggle to heal, as we continue (please continue) to remember the victims of the massacre in Connecticut and all those who have been affected, let's try to do these things:

Let's try to talk about gun control in a reasonable, non-partisan light, with an objective to preserve rights as long as the safety of the public can be equally protected. Let's reexamine the role TV, movies, and video games play in our lives. Let's hold the media responsible for accurately conveying news we need to know without creating a frenzy or further damaging people's lives. Please, let's all work together to raise our children with a sense of responsibility, compassion, and a belief in a higher power - whether your family believes that higher power to be a Christian God, an over soul, or even just a moral obligation to be a good steward of this earth and her people. And let's focus on education about mental illness - let's talk about it and teach parents and teachers and students how to recognize when someone they know may need help. Let's work to support the facilities and medical professionals who can help.

Tonight, every night, I'm praying for peace.