A Family Vacation

Washington DC - a place of dreams, power, ideals and scandal. Despite my despair and disappointment in the current administration and the state of American politics in general (both sides of the aisle), I do love a visit to our nation's capital. Add a few jam-packed, walk-about days spent with my family, donut mornings and game nights, a short but sweet visit from Tim and Cearra, plus blissfully mild weather for July in "the swamp", and our annual vacation was a great one.

We gathered for the week in a rambling old gem of a home near Dupont Circle, built as the rectory of St. Augustine's Church and once used as a Civil War hospital. Full of niches, stained glass, gargoyles and gorgeous woodwork and topped off by a roof top terrace with a Washington Monument view.

And across the street, the House of the Temple, officially the "Home of The Supreme Council, 33, Ancient & Accepted Scottish Rite of Freemasonry, Southern Jurisdiction". Owen, Nana and I took the free tour.

We walked and walked and walked. The Washington Monument, the Lincoln Memorial, the Capitol and National Mall. The Museum of Natural History (hello Chinese fanged deer and marlin skeleton) and the National Museum of the American Indian (gorgeous bead work and words of wisdom).

The details I love about this city; the history in the street lights and building facades; the artistry and grace of a neighborhood threshold and the smile of seeing a familiar sisterhood.

 

Lastly, the National Zoo. Lions and Tigers and (Panda) Bears.

 

And, of course, these four. Cousins. Friends. Laughing over shared meals, huddling close making silly videos and giggling, creating memories to last their lifetimes.  

Happy Mother's Day - Right on Time

A recent dinner table conversation:

Owen: "Was I born on-time, late or early?"

Me: "Well, we don't know that; remember, we weren't there when you were born"

Owen: "Oh yeah, you met me when I was ..."

Me: "Four months old. Although I'm gonna guess you were a little late. Like you were ready to be born and then you were like, ... oh hey - look at that cool thing over there!"

Owen: "I just thought you would want to thank my mom for having me"

Me: "Oh we would. We do thank her everyday for having you!"

Owen: "Like literally you would say, thank you for having my son"

Me: "Yep"

Owen: "Cause she literally had your son!"

Me: "Yes she did. We are so thankful she made the choice to have you and that you are our kid!"

Owen; "Yeah. What's for dessert?"

And so it is around here. The little additions that being an adoptive family add to our conversations about life and love and belonging and belief. I'm thankful for every piece of our story.

Bahama Mama Report

A few months ago Owen watched a YouTube video of the Atlantis water park and became fascinated with the water slides. Thanks to generous grandparents and Bob's hard work and financial planning, his dream became reality as we jetted off to the Bahamas for Spring Break.

When I told friends we were heading to Atlantis, the most common comment (after "can I go too?") was ... "the food is really expensive". I can confirm this is absolutely true, but that Owen thoroughly enjoyed his $16 Key Lime cheesecake slice and my $48 tuna fillet at Olives' was cooked how I prefer. I also tried my best to eat $65 in desserts at the Poseidon buffet - the boba tarts were my fave! After all, there's no dieting on vacation.

The resort is huge and gorgeous (good for walking off all those boba tarts) with interesting architecture and details everywhere plus four stunning "Chihulys".

I loved encountering sea life at every turn. There were turtles and sting rays and starfish in pools right outside our tower doors, sharks and other predators cruising overhead in a long tunnel and through blue lagoons, and fish of every kind enjoying the watery depths of "The Dig".

And while the pools at Atlantis are large and pretty, the stunning ocean a few feet away is the real draw for me. I was slightly disappointed as there had been a storm a few days earlier and for the first two days no one was allowed in the waves. The surf remained rough and we only ventured in up to our knees but just being in such beauty is amazing.

Fun was had by all at the water park. The "lazy" river ride was the best I've ever been on thanks to rapids and the waves that swept through the course. Owen tackled most of the slides, as did Bob and my dad got into the act too. But I'm the only one who braved the Leap of Faith!

Atlantis is also well known for Dolphin Cay. As Owen had been permitted to swim with a dolphin when we went to Discovery Cove a few years back, he thought the Sea Lion Trainer Experience would be fun ... and it was! We got a tour of the feeding and veterinary facilities - and saw a jar of sea lion cataracts, an eyeball, a dolphin tongue and brain, all floating in formaldehyde. Then we waded into a cold pool to interact with two sea lions. We were able to free swim with them, feed them, and give a command. Our trainer shared a lot of interesting facts - for example, the difference between sea lions and seals is that the former has external ear flaps while the latter does not - and another trainer let us watch a huge male play fetch with a float toy that he loves. No pictures unfortunately as personal cameras weren't allowed; and well, because scuba suits aren't flattering, especially if you have to pay over $100 for the pics! Before our session we watched the dolphin program which made me once again want to fulfill my life long dream of moving to the tropics and being a trainer!

Owen also managed to find time to join in with a Junkanoo band, play the slots, ride an aqua cycle, and enjoy some (quickly melting) Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

(just kidding)

And we all slept very well each night!

This Is What Some Hair Gel Started

Owen went to school looking decidedly like Alfalfa, sans cowlick, this morning. He did his own hair and proudly came downstairs with his (too) long bangs parted slightly off-center and gelled enthusiastically straight down. How was I to tell him that he looked, well, a little goofy?

After all, I want to encourage his newly emerging interest in grooming; his ability to get himself ready in the morning without our hands-on help; and above all, his self-esteem and confidence. I quickly decided that to say anything other than "thank you for brushing your hair buddy!" would be contrary to the things Bob and I are trying to develop and so I kissed him on his (fully on display) forehead and wished him a great day in school.

But here's the thing: I knew there was a pretty good chance one of Owen's friends or schoolmates would say something about his hair that would be less than complimentary. Indeed, he told me when he got off the bus that a girl in his class greeted him this morning with "oh my gosh, WHAT did you do to your hair?". I still believe letting Owen do his own "do" today was the right call; he was happy with it and after all it was only hair (and a heck of a lot of product), but there are other bigger answers I don't have yet.

If your kid does things that make them easy targets for teasing, do you step in? If your daughter acts or speaks in a manner that causes peers to call her weird, do you attempt to modify her behavior? If your son makes clothing or grooming choices that invite mean comments, do you take him shopping and dictate wardrobe options? In other words, do you take the chance while they are young to attempt to shape your offspring into a person who finds it easy to navigate the mores that our society has set and escapes teasing and/or bullying? Or do you adhere to the principal that people should and will be accepted exactly as they are and any difficulties they may face from being "different" are character building opportunities?

I don't know. I will tell you that with every bit of my heart and soul I wish our world accepted people without judgment or prejudices. Each of us should be free to talk, dress, act, LIVE, in whatever manner or style (providing, of course, that we do no harm to others) feels most true to our soul. But let's be real ... that isn't how things go, especially in the sink or swim waters of middle and high school.

Owen is a quirky kid. Bob and I have long known that and we love each and every bit of his goofy self. During his recent evaluation for ADD (that is, perhaps, another post) his teacher reported that he often exhibited strange behaviors in class. Not disruptive, or mean, or harmful; just small actions that she said she and the other kids noticed. But she also wrote that he adjusted smoothly to his new school, made friends easily, and was well liked by everyone. Owen self reported that he is happy, smart, has friends, and likes himself except for sometimes wishing his appearance was different (which, when I chatted with him about afterward, turned out to be his desire to change his hair. Ah, that hair).

Please know I am not and would never suggest trying to erase a child's personality. I always want to celebrate Owen's uniqueness; what makes each of us different is also what makes us special. Yet perhaps explaining to a kid that barking in response to a question won't help others understand them; and if people don't understand you, they might not want to get to know you. Perhaps guiding your child in that way may save him/her from a lot of pain and lonely school lunches.  

And so I find myself seeking to find a balance. Trying in gentle ways to smooth Owen's transition into young adulthood while respecting his unique personality and choices. Fortifying his self-esteem by showing in my words and actions that he is loved unconditionally by us, while doing what I can to give him social tools to succeed and be happy. Sounds hard. It is hard.

Or maybe it's really as easy as taking my boy for a (slightly) better haircut, tonight, and then spending the evening together talking and laughing and cherishing him.

Thank You!

Truth ... in January, Bob started asking me what I wanted to do for my upcoming birthday. I told him no parties, no big deal, no extra fuss. Because there were absolutely some moments back then and over the last two months that I felt a little, well, not exactly depressed, but rather overwhelmed that I was turning FIFTY.

I mean, I remember being in elementary school and thinking my high school babysitter was old. I remember my dad's 40th birthday party. I remember graduating college and wondering what came next. I remember (so, so clearly, like yesterday) being in Kazakhstan - 10 years ago! How did all those years go by so quickly? How the heck did I get here?

It is, quite frankly, somewhat shocking to have the milestone in sight that practically screams "hey, you are more than half-way done here!" It's one of those take stock moments. Your memories become a bit tinged with melancholy. You find yourself wondering if you've done enough with your time and what you want to do with whatever time you have left. A little maudlin, and a little scary, and yes, OK, a little depressing.

But, and this is even more truth ... tonight, I feel lucky. And very, very happy.

If you are reading this, you probably played a part in that. You may be one of my new friends who took me to dinner last week. Or my Mom and Dad who stopped by on the way to Florida and hung out with us for a few days. Or Marc and Le Anne, who once again joined in a slightly off-beat but fun adventure. Perhaps my little sister Kris or beautiful daughter Cearra who sent gifts with meaning and heart. Maybe you emailed, or called, or took a few moments to wish me a happy birthday on Facebook. You might even be one of the lovely and generous folks who insisted I don't look 50 (thank goodness for good genes and hair dye)!

And Bob, I know you are reading, and I thank you so much for celebrating with me, for making me feel special, for surprising me with ice cream cake, for gifting me generously with presents (and helping Owen pick out the perfect bracelet!) and most of all for reminding me that there is so much more to look forward to.

So, the biggest truth ... while I never lose sight of the fact that I am truly blessed to have made it this far and I know that I am fortunate in all aspects of my life, today each of you lifted me up when I needed a boost. You made me smile a little brighter, laugh a little louder and feel ready to rock every day of my 50th year! Thank you all.