She Said Yes!

The heart is a wondrous muscle. Not only in it's ability to physically pump life through our body, but also in it's ability to heal when bruised, to carry on when hurting, to accept and try again after being broken. To be brave and open.

And because of this, we found ourselves gathering with friends and family, on the hottest day of the summer, atop Federal Hill Park last Saturday night. Gathered by a special young man, to help him show his heart completely to our Cearra.

He'd asked Bob and I for her hand in marriage several weeks prior, then created a Facebook event to share the word and invite others. Enlisting his best friend (and soon to be best man), to serve as his point person, Tim would bring Cearra to the park, sight of their first date, with the ruse of taking a stroll before meeting friends for dinner.

At the appointed time, we all spotted them coming up the hill; Tim purposely placing an arm around Cearra's shoulders to turn her focus towards Baltimore's Inner Harbor as his supporters in this romantic caper made their way across the park without being spotted by Cearra.

They embraced, sharing private words, then Tim dropped to his knee, and with words we couldn't hear but could somehow still "feel", asked Cearra to be his wife. And on his cue, we - friends and family and assorted park patrons - sang "I can't help falling in love with you"!

It was then, among the cheers and clapping, that Cearra finally turned, and seeing us all there, put her hands to her face and wept with joy and happiness. And so did we.

She looked, and she saw the faces of those who has always believed in her and supported her through dark days - me, Bob, Owen, her sister Kristine, Nana and Pop-Pop, Nanny, Todd and Maria, Missy, Dyron. She looked and saw her new family - Tim's mom and dad, brother and sister-in-law (and the best behaved baby ever, Maddie), aunts and uncles, and close friends - who stood ready to welcome her with open arms.

She looked back at Tim, and saw her dreams come true. Her bright future. And they - and we - could not be happier.

All gorgeous photos courtesy of Kristine Neeley Photography

Happy Birthday Butter!

Yes, the days are (sometimes) long, but the years are short.

Happy 9th Birthday to the guy who stole my heart with one glance. We love you so much Owen, now and forever!

Marriage Lessons from a Golden Couple and a Soggy Vacation

This year's family vacation was also a chance to celebrate my parent's 50th wedding anniversary. They decided they wanted to be surrounded by family and as many people from their wedding party as possible. So forgoing a more "glamorous" trip to Turks and Caicos, or a kid-pleasing Disney cruise, we headed once again to the mountains of Deep Creek Lake in western Maryland.

Not everything went as hoped, yet there were lessons, and things to ponder, and good times. In fact, as I reflected on the week, I found myself comparing it to marriage. Here's what I mean ...

Upon entering our rental home, we were disappointed. The floors and furniture were slightly worn, the paint needed retouching in several places, the dock was precarious, and the promised "Awesome View" was, well, not quite as envisioned.

Anyone married for a few years will probably agree that the luster of new love, the glow of a wedding ceremony and exotic honeymoon, often fade a bit through the years. A partner's faults, like chipped counters and a cloudy pool, can become consuming if that's what you focus on. To keep love alive, learn to focus on the positive traits that attracted you to your spouse early on; they are still there, like a home that provides shelter from a storm and warmth on a chilly night.

Mom and Dad splurged for a home on the lake and a boat for the week. It rained. Every. Single. Day.

Marriage isn't all sunshine and clear sailing. Some days aren't perfect; some days are downright tough. All marriages are tested by hard times and sometimes plans don't pan out. You have to keep going anyway, and take every opportunity to play in the sun when it's out. Even if it means jumping in a freezing cold lake when you get the chance.

My sister and I hired a professional photographer to take a family portrait as a gift for my parents. We planned it for a morning at the house, so that the kids would be fresh and in cooperative moods, and so that our aunts and uncles could be included. Did I mention yet the online photos of the rental house made it look like there was a spacious yard perfect for the shot? It wasn't. Remember all that rain? Yep, canceled the planned day and time. Thanks to a cooperative photographer, a brief break in the weather, and a trip to another lakeside location, we did get the pictures taken. How well they actually turned out remains to be seen - the kids weren't happy, the wind was crazy, and Aunt Cathy couldn't get down the hill as her foot is in a walking boot, but, we did it.

Another lesson in making the best of things, not giving up, and letting go of the idea of "perfect" ('cause no marriage is). Keep trying, and keep smiling. You won't get to 50 any other way.

No matter how much you love them, spending 24/7 with family has it's own challenges. People have different tastes in food, different ideas as to how to spend free time, different ways of looking at the world. My dad in particular has expectations as to what a family vacation looks like that sometimes cause friction among his adult children and sons-in-law. This year has its' share of tension. But my parents are generous, loving people who want to spend time with us. And it's important to them - and to me - that we continue to gather as a family.

Two "c" words that matter far more than cut and carat weight in a marriage: communication and compromise. Your spouse is an individual. He or she will not approach every situation as you do; will not like everything you do; will not share all of your views or agree with all of your ideas. Learn how to take a deep breath, calm down, and, to be blunt, suck it up. Occasionally put your wants aside for the greater good. Then be sure to always surround your marriage with friends and family who love you unconditionally and support you through good and bad days. Remember that the temporary spats are just that, and celebrate your common bonds.

Laugh whenever you can, act silly, go out of your comfort zone. Forgive your spouse easily, be generous, respect each other. Give your kids permission to be a little crazy; go ahead and join them.

And remember that even dark times end, and love and life sparkle again.

Old Friends are The Best

I have been friends with this beautiful lady for almost 40 years! And though we hadn't seen each other in eight, when Bea and her family pulled up to our house on Saturday I went bursting out the front door, whopping and jumping around like the kids we were when we first met.

Growing up across the street, we shared adventures big and small. She and I have hours of stories to bore our kids with - our brilliant idea to build a dance club in her shed, selling "passes" to our neighbors to allow them to drive down the street, the Army-Navy game ball, collecting old beer cans and "stray bullets", winding through Wayne in her '67 Mustang convertible, sunbathing with baby oil and tin foil. Dances and pool parties; Kickline and four-square; summer camp and late nights. I stood by her side as a bridesmaid; she did the same for me many years later (with one sweet baby born and another one the way).

So many belly laughes, so many memories. And the flip side of life too: the shocking tragedy of loosing her mom; the hard decisions and fears of adulthood. Through it all, we've supported each other, cried and consoled, given and received loving advice.

Our friendship is, and has always been, grounded in mutual respect and admiration. Her beliefs, my choices - not always the same, but always accepted with the open hearts of true friends. I adore this woman, and I will always, always have her back. She is kind, wise, exuberant and completely devoted to her amazing family.

Bea Ann Barraclough Twede - you mean the world to me and I am blessed to call you friend!

Oh lovely girls. Christmas morning at my house.

Graduation from the Big C

Fraternity dance at PSU

Always smiling

Hey, it was the 80's!

Love you Bea!

Poor Sportsmanship Part II

I hope that what I'm about to tell dismays you. If you are a parent (particularly of a young child), I hope your reaction is one of disbelief and disgust. I sincerely hope you all share the anger and disappointment I'm feeling right now ... 

Webster's defines "forfeit" as "To lose or lose the right to as a punishment for an error, offense, or crime".

Last night, after our game, the league commissioner reluctantly approached our head coach and told him that some of the remaining teams on our schedule had decided to forfeit rather than play us. You read that correctly. At least two other teams have decided to take a lose, to quit, to give up, to not permit their children to play a game they love, because, well, I guess because they figure our Diamondbacks will beat them, and, honestly ... I just don't understand in the least how they came to this decision.

What error, offense or crime have the kids on those teams (or ours) made to deserve this punishment? How are the coaches and parents going to explain to their players there's no need to put on their uniform and head to the field, because the adults have decided to forfeit?

By the way, I've watched the other teams all season. They have fun on the bench. They try their hardest. After the game they line up and perform the traditional "good game" hand slap with smiles on their faces before heading off to enjoy snacks. I'm guessing none of them felt unworthy or lacking. At least not until their coaches and parents tell them they can't play us, because they think it's better to give up. 

But what if the kids themselves have said they don't want to face the Diamondbacks again? Well, that seems like a perfect teaching moment to me.

Forfeiting is not, as the WBA mission statement reads, "using the sport of baseball as an instrument ... to help all the young players develop positive character traits and values that will aid success in the rest of their lives." 

Quitting is not "working with parents to provide a proper environment for learning the game of baseball, the WBA program also strives to assist in developing the qualities of citizenship, discipline, teamwork and physical well-being by advocating the virtues of character, courage, sportsmanship and loyalty."

Now some of you may think their decision is a little thing to get worked up over. After all, it's just a bunch of 7-8 year old kids playing baseball, and to a small degree I understand that (although I'm very sad for our boys who may be deprived of playing out the season). Yet I can't help but think how this attitude from parents is shaping the next generation. I mean, nothing says success like being a quitter, right? And certainly nothing builds those character traits quite like walking away when things don't go your way.

I believe these parents are doing a huge disservice to their kids. I shudder to think of the other life lessons that are being "taught" in their households. What life skills are these kids learning?

My sister and I were raised to never, ever quit. Not on ourselves, our family, or our team. Since we are talking sports, allow me to share this memory. We were at the 1986 Orange Bowl where my beloved Penn State football team got walloped by the Oklahoma Sooners. Hearing the cheers of the Sooner fans and knowing there was no chance of a win made me want to leave the game early. But my parents refused. They told me that you always support your team, you never give up. There were many other lessons during my childhood that reinforced the same message, illustrated by their words and actions, and I credit my upbringing - and my determination to endure many challenges throughout my adulthood - to my parent's teachings. 

I feel for the players on these teams. They have parents who don't believe in their ability to persevere. They have coaches who aren't showing them the fundamentals of success in athletics or life. I wonder to what extent their futures will be negatively impacted by that lack, and how our society will fare when these same youngsters are adults. I suppose, that in a few years, our Diamondback boys will again be leading the way, and for that at least, I'm grateful.