Day One of "Bed Time Tough Love Plan":
3:30 PM - Owen walks up to me and says "shoes off" (I comply), then heads to the couch, pulls a blanket close ("covers"), and falls asleep. Points off for nap not being taken in his room, but I'll accept it.
9:30 PM - Owen says good night to Ava and Bob and we head upstairs. Two stories and a little cuddle time later and he is fast asleep. Nice.
7:00 AM - I wake up and realize I've actually slept all night! Slight panic - is Owen OK?? Check on him - still sleeping. Very nice! Hmmm, may not have to be the meany after all.
Day Two of "BTTL Plan":
4:00 PM - Owen happily naps on the chair. Well, why should naps have to be in his room anyway?
10:00 PM - Not as happy about going to bed tonight, but some stories and giggling and nose rubbing do the trick and we are both happy.
2:00 AM - Awake, calling for "Momeeee" by the gate. Head into room and say "night time sweetheart" (straight from Super Nanny), put him back in bed, stand by bed for a few minutes. Start to leave, Owen fusses, go lay down with him until he is asleep again.
3:30 AM - "Momeeeee", but calling from his bed this time. Lay down with him until he is asleep.
5:00 AM - "Dadeeeee", Bob falls asleep with him until the alarm clock goes off at 6:00 and I stumble back into Owen's room to wake him (Bob) up.
Day Three of "BTTL Plan":
3:00 PM - No nap, but spent some quiet time on couch with blanket and Mommy.
7:45 PM - Owen is falling asleep while sitting with Bob. Take him upstairs and stay until he is in la-la land once again.
1:30 AM - "Momeeeee"! Get Owen and bring him back to our bed for the rest of the night.
Go ahead. Call me a wimp, call me too soft, call me crazy. Tell me I baby him, tell me I spoil him, tell me I'll be sorry. I know that all the parenting "experts" (save for Dr. Sears who may just be my new hero) preach that children need to learn to self-sooth, to put themselves back to sleep, to "cry it out".
But here's the thing ...
My child spent the first six months of his life in a crib by himself. While I'm sure the care givers tried, I believe there were many times when Owen cried and no one came. So right now I think he needs to know that when he needs us, Bob and I will always respond. We are his comfort, his safety, his love. And that's really important for him - and us.
He is a happy, healthy, good kid. And he's two. It's not like he's going to be doing this forever (I'm pretty sure he isn't going to be sleeping in our bed when he's in high school). And I know that when he is older, I will look back in disbelief at how fast the time has gone and miss the times he slept peacefully in my arms, but I will never think to myself, "gee, I wish I had let Owen cry in his room alone at night more often".
So, I'm tossing aside the Plan. We are going to do what works for us and what feels right for Owen. I'm good with that.
We are going to have to look for a king size bed though ...
3 comments:
I was curious if you were going to "implement the plan" or not. Glad you tried it, couldn't hurt, right? But, I agree with your philosophy ... why not? You are right, Owen was alone for 6 months, why not show him that you are there for him now & always? I don't think it will cause any lasting damage at all and I'm sure he will grow out of it ...2 isn't that old ... and why do we rush kids to grow up anyway, right? Enjoy every moment you have with him & show him you love him ... that is the best way to be a parent that I know & that's what mine did for me! Love & hugs! Erin
You are going through the exact same thing we are. Some nights are better than others, and, like you, we also always respond. Great minds think alike. :)
Happy New Year!
Jodi - If it makes you feel any better (or maybe it won't ;-)), I have a 4 year old sleeping with me most nights. I too went thru all of the things you have, and finally just decided - who is it hurting? I always said I would never do it, but I am, and I too believe that he will go back to his own bed when he's ready. Call me crazy, but he's my kid, I love him, and I can't stand to see him terrified when we start talking about sleeping in his own bed.
Interestingly enough, it started not long after Ethen started having all of his seizures - another reason why I'm not willing to push him too much.
You're a great Mom - I'm always amazed when I read your blog how much you clearly think through things, and how thankful you always are for what you have. Yes, we're lucky to have our kids, but Owen's also very lucky to have such a great Mom!
Kristi
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