My Heart Is So Full

Cearra's last essay for her English class. Get out the tissues ...

From Kazakhstan to the U.S.

“Ce-Ce” is what he calls me, “Ce-Ce’s car” is what I hear when I am home, “bye-bye” is what he says when I leave. He looks up to me figuratively and literately, his face and his voice lights up whenever he sees me or hears my voice, and he even trusts me enough to fall asleep in my arms. This little boy lights up my life and makes me wonder why kids do the things they do. He is who I call Owen, my buddy, and best of all, my brother.

Owen is my adopted brother from Kazakhstan between my dad and my step-mom. Although, I may sound thrilled to have a baby brother I didn’t always feel like this. Before Owen I was my dad’s only child and I actually enjoyed it that way simply because I had two other siblings from my mom. So when I went to my dad’s house, it was like my safe haven. It was the place where I could get away from all the yelling, fighting, teasing, and even get away from being the middle child. Because I hated the idea of the adoption, I told my parents I felt as though, if they adopted a young baby, I would be lost forever and that it made me feel like I was losing my dad to someone else. As the adoption was taking place, I had one year left in high school and all I could think of was how I was getting ready to leave for college and how this new baby was taking my place and was spending the time with my dad I never had. I felt like I was getting a slap on the back and a kick out the door.

Since then, Owen has been with us for almost two years now and I still cannot believe how much he has grown and changed; not to mention, how our relationship has grown and changed. Now that I am in college and I live three hours from home, I do not get to see him very much and I am always missing something he says or does, so I have to play catch up when I come home for visits. When I first met him he was crawling. After a few months he was walking and talking (few words here and there). By July of 2008 my step-mom had finally taught him how to say Ce-Ce, which is his nickname for me and that alone made me feel so special.

My little brother is now two and a half and will be turning three a week and two days after my birthday (July 5), which is sometimes awkward for me because I have never had to share my birthday month with another sibling and now our birthday parties are combined, which is even more awkward. However, having him around is a lot of fun and keeps me busy; not to mention, I think having me home sometimes also makes it easier on my parents, so they can finally have a break and enjoy some free time. Leaving to go back to college is never fun or easy for my family, because we all tend to get very emotional, never really wanting to see someone leave.

This little boy is so much fun to be around and makes me laugh just by being himself. When I came home for Christmas break, I pulled into the driveway and saw a little boy looking at me from the front door window, I opened the door and he was looking at me like he could not believe I was standing right in front of him. From that moment on he was crawling all over the floor doing somersaults and showing off as if I was someone special, but then again I am his big sister. Three months later I came home for spring break and he started acting the same way, but this time I was able to teach him something new. Owen knows all of his facial features like his eyes, nose, ears, mouth, and head, but the one he did not know was his chin, so I went over that with him for five minutes and was able to show our parents what he had learned. I was so proud of him and felt proud to teach him something as little as where his chin was.

Not only have I taught him a few things, but he has taught me some things about kids as well such as, kids will do what they want when they want to, they are very determined, and are like copy machines. Owen has the tendency to do his own thing, you give him a toy to play with and he will go get the one he wants. Even at his age, he is not always the greatest listener, so he does not always want to do what you tell him such as, getting out of the tub, which if he could he would be in there 24/7. Also, he does this thing when he wants you to go play with him he will grab your index finger and try to pull you to his spot and if he does not get you to go the first time he will just keep trying until you give up. With my last visit, I have realized that both my parents and I have to start watching what we say in front of him. Once I made the mistake of saying “crap” and within seconds he was repeating me or when my step-mom is mad at him and yells “OWEN” he then says “OWEN” in the same tone of voice and even though we should not laugh, we cannot help but laugh. So, we try to remember that there is always a little one watching and listening and will get us every time we say something “bad.”

Owen is not my only sibling; however, he is definitely the youngest. I love him at this age (2 ½), simply because I love little kids and I tend to care for him more and maybe show a little favoritism too. Thankfully, none of my other siblings are really around to notice it. In the past Owen and I did not have a good relationship, mainly because of my attitude towards him being adopted, but you would never know that now by seeing us together. When I first met him I knew that everything would eventually be OK. When our eyes met and I held him for the first time I realized that he was not judging me and was not out to ruin my life. I had nothing to fear when it came to having a new baby brother. However, because there is such an age gap between us, of 16 years, I tend to act more like a mother to him than a sister, but I will forever be his “Ce-Ce” and he will forever be my “Owie.”