The Best Gift

I really didn't know. Looking back now I see the clues were there all along, yet I somehow didn't quite realize that despite all I had, there was a hole in my heart. And it still amazes me, still brings a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes, that the hole has been so perfectly filled by a little boy born to another woman half a world away.

I think of her often, but especially today, because as full as my heart now is, I know that part of hers is missing forever. It is, sometimes, hard to know that the very gift which completed your life left someone else with a hole in hers.

So I pray she knows how very loved he is, how much he has filled - no, expanded - my heart. That he is beautiful and healthy and very, very happy. That I am incredibly, beyond words, grateful for him. In my mind I send her images of him: laughing with his big sister; playing in the sand; sleeping peacefully, his thumb falling gently from his mouth.

But while I acknowledge he is still part of her and will always be, he is my son. Make no mistake ... while my body did not form him, I am his mommy with everything I am. He is my light, my littlest love, my buddy, my joy, my reason for oh-so-many things. Every day - every single day - he allows me to see through the drudgery and despair with the eyes of a child who trusts the world is awaiting his exploration with open arms. He is a treasure, and he is cherished.

Today we mark the day of his birth. We'll laugh and sing and gather with family to toast him. We'll celebrate every moment we have had with him and look forward to many more. I'll watch him blow out his birthday candles as I wish his first mother peace.  And I will send her a silent "thank you" for the best gift I have ever been given.