For Cearra, Today

Dear Cearra,

Today is a special day; today is your birthday. Without today, none of us would know the joy you've brought into our lives.

I know that for you, this day is so heart-breaking-hard. Your dad and I wonder how to mark the occasion without causing you more pain. Is ice cream cake too sweet for these bitter days? Are 23 candles not bright enough to light the dark? We want to respect your boundaries and how you are feeling. And yet, to us and everyone who loves you, this day is still a celebration.

So we'll mark this day the best we can. We'll clean up your little brother and take you to lunch; the four of us, the Mechems. We will surround you with big hugs and big wishes.We'll present the gifts we've planned in the hope they bring you some happiness.  Still, we know that we can't (but oh, how we wish we could!) give you the gift you'd most love to receive. That breaks our hearts too.

While we say it everyday, the day of your birth is also a time for us to let everyone know how incredibly proud we are of you. Your strength (although I know sometimes you don't feel strong), your patience (ditto), your love and faith. We are proud of you for getting up each day and continuing on ... going to work, paying  bills, taking care of your apartment. The mundane tasks of life perhaps, but demonstrative of your core. We are even more proud of you for trying so hard to stay focused and positive, for guarding your loving heart, and rising above those who choose a different path.

I've traveled some rough journeys, but never the deep valleys you have faced these last four months. And as much as I love to write, I find that words fail me now, for it seems as though there is nothing I can say that will mend your soul. But someone wise once said this:

"Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end".

And I believe that. Someday, someway. Your dad and I will continue to walk beside you until you believe that too - until it is okay again.

We love you, always.