I unwittingly started a small firestorm on facebook last month. I posted this:
So Owen's kindergarten class had a Christmas card exchange. Each family was asked to send in one card per student - easy, right? Apparently not for five parents who's children did not bring in cards. I don't get the apathy ...
Most of my facebook friends reacted as I did - sharing in my disapproval and relaying stories of lazy, uninvolved parenting in their schools. But a few commenter's felt I was unfairly attacking mothers, and that this sisterhood we share would somehow be easier if none of us ever criticized each other.
I get part of that. I've had numerous friends slam our decision to have Owen sleep with us. None of them have any specific reasons as to why this is a terrible parenting move, but they feel he should be sleeping in his own room. As I have yet to figure out how our sleeping arrangements even slightly affect them; and as Bob and I have discussed and are happy with our "family bed"; and since Owen loves our routine and feels safe, secure and loved partially because of it; well, I don't plan on changing a thing (until of course we are ready to). So no, I do not appreciate other's less than helpful comments on this topic.
Likewise, I don't think mocking or judging a parent based on their parenting style is fair, or even all that interesting. Really, I don't care if you let your child watch TV or play Angry Birds (I certainly do); if your offspring eats only yellow foods or all organic; or if you choose timeouts or spanking. I don't care if you're a screamer (although I don't particularly want to be around you) or if you have the patience of Mother Theresa. It concerns me not one bit if you do the "elf on a shelf" thing or you don't. No extra praise from me because you have scheduled sports/karate/music/scouts/etc. for every moment of your child's free time; but I won't rag on you if your child comes home from school with head lice (hey, sometimes sh*t happens).
I don't award parenting points just because you and your kids created a gingerbread village with home baked cookies and all your leftover Halloween candy (although that is pretty cool), but on the flip side, I won't condemn you as a terrible parent because your kid shows up to school in rain boots, shorts, and a tie-dye sweatshirt. And believe me, I do not give a single thought to what time your kids go to bed. In all these things and more, do what works best for you and your family and don't worry about the rest of us.
Maybe I was out of line in publicly saying that the parents who did not send Christmas cards in were apathetic. The holidays are crazy for all of us - maybe they simply forgot or were overwhelmed or were dealing with sick children or a stressful family situation. In the end, I guess it mattered little ... Owen wasn't bothered at all that he was missing a few cards, although I do wonder what the kids who received cards but did not give any thought. And quite frankly, if you can't manage to come up with 18 cards with a month's notice and a week's window to turn them in, well, sorry, I'm gonna question your commitment.
But here's the main thing ... I DO care deeply about what kind of person you are raising. Why? Simple ... I'm a citizen of this earth and my future is partially in your children's hands. As a mother I want my child to grow up in a world surrounded by other children who have been raised with values. I believe our society needs a change deep in its roots if we want America to continue to be a place of unlimited dreams and opportunities for all. I think you OWE it to your child(ren) and the rest of us to teach a few lessons:
- Life isn't fair. Keep doing your best anyway.
- Work hard and quit whining. Be thankful for your every blessing, because I guarantee there is always someone worse off than you.
- Everyone is equal and deserves respect. Everyone.
- Practice good sportsmanship, all the time. Start this lesson in t-ball and keep going.
- Responsibility. Sometimes it is your fault - own it.
- Give more than you take.
- Respect our environment, your body, others, family, friends, and especially the elderly.
- Do not lie, steal, cheat, cut in line, or park in the handicap parking space, even if it is just for a minute.
- Fight fair - or not at all.
- Be kind. And tolerant.
- Keep your promises. Honor your commitments.
Wouldn't you rather be among children who were raised this way? Wouldn't you prefer to know that our future is being taught those things? I would and do, and I strive to raise Owen accordingly.
I don't care about the particulars of how you do it; just do it. Yeah, sometimes we get overwhelmed. Tired. Stressed. Sick. None of us are perfect and we all have days where we don't do our best. But I'm tired of the excuses. Parenting is a job - I think the most important one in the world. Each of us freely chose to be a mom or a dad. Recognize that sometimes it takes sacrifice on your part and live up to the expectations.
And if you do your best 99% of the time, no one can fault you.
Dissenting comments are welcome. But to my family and friends - please know I think you are all parenting fantastically.
2 comments:
I didn't see your FB post... but very interesting about the Christmas cards. My co-room mom and I organized a Christmas book exchange and out of 28 students, 1 didn't particiate... no idea why (time, money, ??) But in the end, I put in an extra book to cover it so no child was left without a book gift to open. I do wonder, what that child & parent thought about receiving but not giving. A bad lesson? To get but not give? How do you explain that one to your child?
I think it is by nature, people will raise an eyebrow, make a comments, talk behind people's back about parenting choices. But in the end, there is a difference between talking about it and then talking down about it. Saying someone does something differently doesn't mean it is wrong. Saying that something different is wrong, is well, wrong. :)
Oh no Jodi did you open a can of worms:) I agree with you about parenting. We need to take it seriously. It is our God given responsibility. People do it differently which is part of the uniqueness that makes each of us interesting. However, sometimes something different is wrong. We need to have a clear knowledge of what is right and wrong so we can recognize it in ourselves and others. If we can't admit we are wrong and call someone else out when they are wrong how can we help each other do better. This being said you have to know how to do this which is very hard.
Post a Comment